Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
