Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
wow bdsm is so cute
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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