He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
