If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
