I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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