But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I will pee on everything he values.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
