I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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