He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
