My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
