Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize