I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i wish my penis had a tongue
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Randomize
