Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
