Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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