I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
