His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
