i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
