Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
