Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
sarcasm needs its own font
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
