Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
