We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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