can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
