I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
