New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
