You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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