you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
