its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
