You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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