i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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