shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
