Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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