it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
