the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
