All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
