dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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