I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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