you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
