WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
