Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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