Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
