it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
