I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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