Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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