You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
