The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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