my room smells like sperm. sweet.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
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