Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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