After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
