Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
