this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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