If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize