so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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