I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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