im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
