I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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