I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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