Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
