So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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