amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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