I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We have started to decorate penises.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
