i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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