tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Randomize
