Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
