it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
