ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
