Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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