New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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