OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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