on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
