im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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