made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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