Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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